How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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