I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
