Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
