im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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