You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
