Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
