She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
