You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
