My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
