so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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