I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
