he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
