I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
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