I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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