he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
