Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
