There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
