she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
