and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
