This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
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Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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