i think my tv is drunk
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
