i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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