at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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