If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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