too bad you live with your parents still
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
