his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
