Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
