Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
