I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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