She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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