We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Congratulations! We have a period
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
