Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
