with your own penis?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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