I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Everclear isn't food dammit
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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