I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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