At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
