why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
