This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
