sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
