I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
