What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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