I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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