I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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