im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
