I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
