Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
