I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?