maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.