you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.