I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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