I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize