i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
