just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing