Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...