just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
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I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!