Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
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I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
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I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday