I could make wine with my vomit
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
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She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
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Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW