you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have aggressive nipples.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"