I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
