Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
