i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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