I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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