my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
