very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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