Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
