my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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