I like my sex mixed with concussions.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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