Only a mothe r could love this liver
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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