Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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