I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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