No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
