I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
