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You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
