I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
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His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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