And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
