idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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