You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
