made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
BRING THE BAGELS
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
