so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
