Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
