The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
