there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
