Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
